© AuTeaHD_Goblin 2023
AuTeaHD
Goblin
Disability Justice Artist
Alexandra Vassar (they/them) is a queer, deaf, autistic, adhd-er who is otherwise multiply disabled human based out of Dayton, OH (transplanted there in 2020 from Northern CA). Alexandra originally studied Physics, but has worked within behavior analysis since 2018. They are shifting towards disability justice advocacy full time, expanding on their consulting work while completing their doctoral degree. Alexandra is dedicated to engaging in radical community geared towards liberation for all. They do this by advocating for representation of a variety of disabled voices within justice oriented spaces, and through artistic expression.
I am currently focused on poetry and quilting.
While I have more hobbies within artistry than I can count (you might say my hobby is collecting hobbies and interests), right now I am pouring my energy into developing my portfolio of quilts and poems. An exploration of expression of the past seven years of crawling out of chemical restraint that was the result of a series of psych stays.
© AuTeaHD_Goblin 2024
© AuTeaHD_Goblin 2024
Sad Eyes
My body rebels against my attempts to survive
Each movement I make toward healing
my body takes another jump
Towards the pit, I’d lost myself in before
It’s only a question of how long until I fall again
But I’ll be ok I promise
Nothing has killed me yet
I must survive for a reason
One I don’t know or even care to realize
For even when I beg for death
something keeps me alive
My life does have a purpose
that I know to be true
But these sad eyes I wear haunt me with my past
Chasing after me through every dream I remember
Nights haunted with nightmares and fears
I wish I could forget
But still every morning I wake up
even when all I can do is stand
I promise it won’t kill me, not this time
I will live through it
So please stop staring at me like that
like these sad eyes make you mad
Because you can’t stop these moments any more than I
Help me to pretend that I’m ok right now
Because we both know I’m not
Let me walk around like these sad eyes are lies
Stop looking at me like that
Like I’m falling apart because I already know I am
Don’t think that these sad eyes I wear will kill me
Trust me, for I know they won’t
I’ve worn them too many times before to let them win
This time no different than the last except I am alone now
Stop staring at me as if I’m collapsing before your eyes
No matter how true it is
Every time I fall I stand back up- don’t worry too much please
It’s my life I’m messing up, it won’t hurt anyone else
Let me make my mistakes
Because I have to learn to stand on my own two feet
As feeble as they might be
It’s all I’ve got left in life right now
I feel alone and empty sometimes
And my sad girl eyes won’t give me
any chance at an intermission
But I will find a way
otherwise, I would have lost by now
My time will come someday
but not this time I promise
Stop looking at me like that,
just hold my hand if you must
Help me stand up once again
for I am falling apart
From the outside in
© AuTeaHD_Goblin 2024
Witness this atrocity
While you sit in your houses
Self care says to look away
Community care says to witness
Bare witness of this death toll
The babies torn to shreds
Horrors that shouldn't be imagined
Witness
Keep your eyes on the martyrs
They were stolen from their land
Stolen from the arms of their people
Their beloved ones
Witness
Witness
Their land is an open casket now
Mass graves with bodies piled
Death rights compromised by bombs
In the night they rain devastation
Witness
While you sit in your home
Do not look away
Their deaths warrant global lament
Fall to your knees and scream
Cry, do not wipe your tears
Let them fall
Our tears will mingle
Proof of our collective rage
Form a river that will move mountains
The mountains of oppression
Our tears will fullfil our duty to one another
An outpouring of unconditional love
For our global neighbors
Their ancestors and ours share the same fight
The river of our shed tears
Will wash away the injustice
To be swallowed by the sea
We must bear witness
Let our souls be rent, torn to pieces
So that our collective identity has space
To be born out of this slaughter
Their souls are seeds
Planted on the shore alongside that river
Growing into peace
We witness to usher forth that peace
Once a dream
We must demand it become reality
© AuTeaHD_Goblin 2024
contact me
See my work on IG.
Blog style posts under development ...maybe...if the mood strikes
avassar@auteahdgoblin.com
© AuTeaHD_Goblin 2024